Are all relationships so complicated?

It was my understanding that relationships should not be regarded as WORK, let alone hard work! Friendships seem to be the hardest work of all at times!

Spring Clean Your Friends!

I am a bit of a hoarder. I keep a lot of useless things; skimpy clothes that I am too old to get away with wearing anymore (“may need for a dress-up party” is always a good excuse), letters (sometimes even promotional birthday letters + vouchers from old gyms etc), and even friends (that do more harm than good). Obviously, I don’t usually do too well when it comes to spring cleaning.

As usual, this Spring I sat on my bed eyeing hoards of clothes and shoes in my waredrobe that I know I will never wear again. I have piles and boxes of useless letters, cards and brochures that will never again be read. Why does it seem so painful to get rid of things I won’t miss? If I don’t, I won’t be able to fit new things in. Get rid of the old to make room for the new. Perhaps I am too consious of the hours I spent earning the money to waste on these things. Not ready to let go of the memories and feelings that go with the cards and brochures, even if in reality they are already gone.

Knowing that I should get rid of them all, I decided to stop procrastinating about the useless crap and instead, get rid of some things that are causing me some real grief – certain friends, habits, and baggage as a result of bad relationships and experiences that I have gathered since last Spring.

I’m definately ready to get rid of all this. Tomorrow.

Overreaction!

Oops. I definately overreacted. Why is it that you can suddenly think your whole world (okay, relationship) has come to an end just because someone doesn’t pay you the attention they usually do?! How narcissistic…

Well, he just had other things on his mind. He was stressed. But what was I to think (apart from that it is all about me)! Suddenly, for a few days, he stops calling me (and is distant and almost rude when I call him), decides to give my offer to come over ‘a miss’ and replies to text messages coldly and harshly. It wouldn’t be such a problem if it weren’t a complete backflip from his usual behaviour. Still, I feel a little silly, a little drama queen-ish. Ah well.

I am supposed to be organising an event that is coming up soon. I’ve organised people to attend, helped out along the way etc, only now I have decided I don’t want to go. Am I obliged? It isssss a charity thing… I don’t feel comfortable with the people who will be there. I recently had the realisation that many of my ‘friends’ aren’t actually my friends at all. They are my ex’s friends – they were only friends with me when I was with him. So that’s over. I shouldn’t feel obliged… they obviously didn’t feel obliged to come to my birthday.

If I want to keep a pattern with my current mood/thoughts of the day, I should probably just do want I want, and not worry about anyone else. Me, Me, Me. Hey, I already admitted to having a narcissistic day

Heaven

Heaven is where the police are British,
the cooks are French,
the mechanics German,
the lovers Italian
and it’s all organised by the Swiss.
Hell is where the chefs are British,
the mechanics French,
the lover’s Swiss,
the police German
and it’s all organised by the Italians.

Over the concept of life

My little friend Dougie informed me that she is over the concept of life last night. She doesn’t really mean it. She means she can’t be bothered trying to make everybody happy at the moment. I know exactly how she feels.

I had a birthday party on the weekend. I knew it was a stupid idea. I am so annoyed at all my “friend’s” behaviour that I am starting to forget that I did actually have a pretty good time on the night. But the way they trashed the place (it wasn’t mine) made me feel like they were taking advantage. Most came late, close friends didn’t come, closest friends left early, and others bought randoms with them to tag along. All were drunk upon arrival. I feel like I need to spring clean my friends and my life at the moment.

New boyfriend, who has been soooooo amazing for the last month and half, all of a sudden does a backflip and starts behaving like he isn’t interested anymore?! What the hell does that mean? He’s not being awful, but just nothing like he was before. He was so so full on, wanted me to stay there everynight, see me avery second he could, cuddle me, just chat… Now he’s suddenly cold and distant, like something has made him change his mind about me. He says he “just has a lot of things going on right now” (but declines to tell me what). Is that code for I’m not sure about you, so I’ll just leave you hanging for a while til I make up my mind? If he doesn’t start acting normal soon, I’m going to walk away and cut him off. I know it’s not right, but it’s just the way I handle things. I really thought I had a future with him. What to do?